So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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