Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
