His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
