What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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