she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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