i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
