The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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