I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
