Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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