you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.