I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.