she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"