Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
