Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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