You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The beer is more important than you right now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
