Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
