I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
