my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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