Plan B is the new Plan A
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
