All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The uberlube is also flammable
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
