you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
