"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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