Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
