I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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