My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
