3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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