Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
