I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
