3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
