the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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