Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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