My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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