Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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