I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
