I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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