i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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