No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
