she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
