he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
