Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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