i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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