Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
