I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.