Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
