are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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