There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
