Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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