I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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