That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
