Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
