quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
