I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
