Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
