butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
