She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
