I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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