Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How does one acquire holy water?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
