can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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