Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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